My mother is Hawaiian/Portuguese, and my father English/Native American (Potawatomi). My Mother was born and raised in Ka'imukī. When the Pearl Harbor incident happened, her family got evacuated by the Red Cross. My Papa stayed to help do something like clean up with the military. I don’t know if he was in the military or just volunteered or was ordered to stay. My Nana was from Makawao Maui, and had never been anywhere else besides there and Oahu. She and her three kids were taken on a big ship and dropped off in Long Beach, California. After some time, my Mom got sent back to stay with family for a few years. My Papa eventually joined them over there, and according to my Mom, worked always with the intention of getting enough money to get back to the Islands. Neither one of my Grandparents made it back to Hawai'i.  My Mom got married to my Dad and I was born on an Army base in Kansas. They ended up in California where I was raised. We always lived close to our Grandparents (both sides), Auntie’s and Uncle’s families so we grew up with our cousins having parties and playing music.

 

I started moving back and forth between California and Hawai'i in 1977 and ended up staying in Hawai'i around 1985. My son and I lived in Ka'a'awa with my Mom, brother, and various other cousins and family members – it seemed we always had somebody living with us and there were always parties, the usual family dramas and a wide variety of characters moving through our house which was fun and interesting but could also be pretty crazy to say the least.

 

I guess at this point I need to mention that I did develop some addictions to drugs and alcohol. The first time I drank, I got drunk and felt the best feeling I’d ever had. I felt like someone put a shield that created a space around me and it made me feel totally relaxed and calm – which were feelings I’d never had before around other people – that set the tone or gave me the tools I needed to be able to live in the world for the next 18 years.  I went into a treatment center (not very willingly) and got clean and sober when I was 28. It was a Place in Mānoa Valley and I was able to bring my son with me.  So I’ve been sober now for 24 years. Mahalo Ke Akua.

 

I think that knowing where I come from and knowing who I am is the fundamental root that keeps me at least knowing where I belong. I believe that is what keeps us all going while being surrounded by all what happens to us (the 'āina) here in Hawai'i. Even though it isn’t always a conscious thought, it’s what we have to claim. We see it everywhere – on bumper stickers HE HAWAII AU, KU I KA PONO…, FEARLESS HAWAIIAN, etc. I think this keeps us basically going- and I also think that we are starting to go to the next place which is for our people to feel more empowered is happening through our 'ōpio now and our keiki learning more and more about their culture and seeing others value it.

 

For myself, being involved protecting Mauna Kea has been very healing. Even though it has been such a hard process to go through – mainly it’s hard to be trying to navigate through their court system holding a space of Aloha and not resorting to basically lying and twisting the law to bend our way. Sometimes in court the truth sounds really bizarre and the lies sound totally rational. So I think basically, when I see or hear of something going on or about to happen that gives me that feeling of dread I know I need to do SOMETHING even if it’s just to write a letter, make a call, sign a petition, pray,  get into a debate with someone at work, or go to court, I know I can’t ignore that feeling in my na'au.  I think it’s important to acknowledge these things are happening and try to do something – anything, so resentment and profound feelings of powerlessness and despair don’t build up in my heart.

 

I believe that this is part of what drives so many of us to medicate ourselves with hard drugs and so much alcohol so we don’t have to live with these oppressive feelings.

 

Some other things that keep me healthy are my diet, not watching TV, and being outdoors. I try to eat a lot of vegetables and plant based proteins. I do eat fish and meat sometimes but only local meat without the antibiotics and other chemicals. I try and get organic food whenever possible and am working on growing my own vegetables. I find that when I don’t eat right, when I don’t keep on top of what I’m eating, I have a hard time keeping a clear perspective on things because I feel junk physically and stressed.

 

There are some things I never drink or eat and those are sodas or other sugary drinks and fast foods like McDonald’s.  TV.  TV stresses me out and I think it warps our sense of reality. I watch documentaries and films, but don’t subscribe to any satellite or cable TV.  I try and be outside camping, hiking, walking my dogs, swimming, or even working. For me, it’s so important to be outside experiencing the vibration of nature and getting away from the man-made indoors.

 

I work at the “National Park” in Volcano. The Dept. of the Interior believe they own it (and we’ll just keep letting them believe that for now). Anyway, that’s another story. When I first got hired, we had to hike down to the coast to a place called Halapē. It’s a seven mile hike downhill and I’d never been hiking before – not like that anyway. I actually never understood why someone would do that for fun. We were going to weed whack trails and camp for a week and then hike back out. Hiking back out at the end of the week was probably the most physically challenging thing I’ve ever done. It was also one of the best experiences that I’ve had on a spiritual level. Some parts of the trail are steep and seem to go on forever. I had to pray a lot and be aware of the 'āina that I was traversing. I never before realized how much I take our 'āina for granted until then. The terrain is pretty dry and has sparse vegetation only some pūkiawe and a'ali'i and no trees. At one point on a steep part of the trail I could see the tree line that I wanted to reach and it seemed a million miles away. I was feeling a little demoralized – and this little hui of small birds flew in front of me chirping away, flying almost eye level about four feet in front of me. I was watching them and they made me laugh and I felt a great sense of joy.   I felt that they were singing me up the trail. They stayed in front of me flying around in a pack chirping away for about five minutes and it made me feel totally refreshed and energized.  Then they flew away. So ever since then I always try and make time to be outside so I can feed my spirit and try to reconnect with the 'āina and all things that live on and above it.

 

The last and most important for me is prayer and meditation. I try and always keep Ke Akua in the center and keep myself out of my own way.

 

I think what we as Hawaiians need in order to be healthy as a community is more respect and tolerance for each other. We all have different perspectives on what’s happening in our world and how we all deal with it.  I think if we try and have compassion and understanding for our people who are having hard times with crack, alcohol, etc. and realize that addictions like these are only symptoms of other underlying problems, we can have a beginning of some healing. I’ve always thought it would be a good idea to open up Kaho'olawe Island to groups of recovering addicts so they can go work on the island and themselves. They can help heal the 'āina and the 'āina can help heal them. I think it would give them a chance to find a sense of themselves on a cultural level.  I think that basically, working together on any level and reconnecting as a people would be very empowering. There is always talk on how Hawaiians are so “fractionalized”. I don’t buy into it. The powers that be have and still do try to divide our communities up all the time. We have to remember we are all in the same boat no matter what we have or not have.

 

What I plan to do to stay healthy as I grow older is to do the things I am doing like eating good, and keep eating better, spending as much time as I can outside on the 'āina, and grow my spiritual life. I want to fulfill some dreams I’ve had all my life and I think it’s important to always be learning new things. I want to focus on what I have to offer the world and not focus on consumption and what I can get out of it. I think in order to stay healthy, it’s important to give back what I’ve learned to whoever needs and wants it.